Real World

So, today I got nostalgic about The Real World for some reason. I hate RW, but used to love it back in the day when I was the same age as the people on the show. I was a late comer to RW. The village I grew up in banned MTV from our cable because they thought it was immoral, so I didn't see any seasons until I got to college. My first season was New Orleans. I loved it. I loved Julie, and Melissa, and I totally wanted to fuck Danny. I hated David and Matt. Jamie and Kelly were kinda just there, and the only reason I remember Kelly at all is because she used to sit by the window and smoke all the time. I would have been doing the same thing.

Anyways, I got all RW nostalgic tonight, and looked up some of the casts on Wikipedia to see where they are now. Melissa has this totally pathetic blog and online store, where all of her stuff is like $10. I feel like I just buy something just because I feel sorry for her. I loved her on the show because she was so crazy, but now she's all like "my boyfriend's a gangsta", so trashy. Julie has this website too, and appearantly hosts some kind of video game show on G4. Weird. There was also some kind of conflict between her and Melissa about speaking engagements after their season ended, and they hate each other's guts. Melissa has a VERY lengthy blog about it. You can find it at http://www.princessmelissa.com/.

I also was interested in the Seattle cast, because I live here now. I wish MTV would play day long marathons of the Real World like they used to when I was in college so I could watch the whole Seattle season again, or that they would release it on DVD or something. Anyways, all I really remember is how crazy Irene was and how Stephen slapped her, the "slap heard round the world." I totally loved it, when Irene called him a homo and he threw her favorite stuffed animal into Puget Sound. It was AWESOME! Anyways, wikipedia says that Stephen was arrested in 2001 for HOMOSEXUAL PROSTITUTION!!! Isn't that awesome. I bet Irene was really excited about that.

Faggot.

The Real World totally sucks now. It has for years. I don't know if I hate it because now I'm a lot older than the cast members and more mature, or because it just totally sucks. I think it's both. But now they have all these pretty, superficial, a-holes on the show with no real problems, and they used to have serious, ugly people on the show with actual problems. I can't relate to these people anymore. I totally hate it. The last season I watched was Philidelphia, but I didn't watch any of the seasons between Chicago and Phili. Remember Chicago, with Gay Chris and Black Theo, and how on the day they all moved in together, Theo went into Chris's room and said "I hope there's no gay people in the house this year." And Chris did nothing! If it had been me, I would have turned to Theo, looked him straight in the face, and said, "Gee, I hope there aren't any black people in the house this year!" What an a-hole.

Anyways, that's all I have. Totally random I know, I'll try to come up with something a little more newsworthy next time.

In the news...

I know, it's been quite a long time since I last ranted, and, quite frankly, I forgot this blog existed and will probably forget again, but in the meantime, I have some things to say.

Dumbledore is gay. Upon hearing this news, I felt as if I had been waiting to hear this news my entire life. It was like hearing Aslan is gay, or Gandolf is gay, or some other childhood hero of mine from literature, like, I don't know, God, is gay. Dumbledore is gay. I have been waiting my whole life for a gay hero worthy of my hero worship, and J.K. Rowling provided. Thank the gay Aslan!

I'm so sick of the media frenzies that surround such news anymore. JK was asked at a book signing event by a child if Dumbledore had ever found true love. She was answering these same questions about other characters, questions about them that we never found out about in the books. Questions about characters like Luna Lovegood, Neville Longbottom, Hannah Abbott, what have you. She answered all these other questions with inane facts that only make sense to her and her most eager fans, with answers that no one really "needs to know." She answered the Dumbledore question honestly, and what does the media say? "Who needs to know that? It's not relevant!" Fuck you. Then don't let curious school children ask questions of their heroes, you fascist fucks.

As if the world isn't full of more important news stories for CNN, Fox(FUCK)News, MSNBC, and whoever else is out there to report. We're currently involved in TWO dangerous and controversial wars. Why not report some more about those? There's a GENOCIDE going on in Darfur. Isn't that a little more important than a fictional character's sexuality? Or, how about, GLOBAL WARMING? There's three examples from a list of hundreds of more important stories than the musings of a writer to her fans.

Is Dumbledore's sexuality important? To some people it is. People like FANS. You know what this media frenzy is realy about? It's about telling a whole bunch of illiterate rednecks that there's yet another gay character is a book out there that they will never be able to read, and that they should start their burnin's now. Fascist fucks.

Is Dumbledore's sexuality important to me? Absofuckinlutely. And let me tell you why. I'm 27 years old, and have waited my whole life for someone like me to look up to. Someone gay, intelligent, powerful, popular, and important to look towards as a role model. Even if they are fictional. Who do I have? Elton John? Fuck him. George Micheal? Fuck him even harder. Richard Simmons? I don't think I even have to go there. All of my friends growing up had heroes like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Cruise (ok, maybe that's a bad example), Brad Pitt, Ronald Reagan (hey, I grew up in Iowa). Or, they had literary heroes like Holden Caulfield, Frodo Baggins, Sherlock Holmes. Where were the gay heroes? I need Dumbledore to be my gay childhood hero.

Because my actual childhood heroes were Dr. Marlena Evans, The Golden Girls, and Oprah.

How sad is that.

Dumbledore's gay. Let it be a big deal to me. If you're illiterate, you don't really deserve to know anyways.

Tales from Pop-up University

I am currently a graduate student at the University of Phoenix Online. I know, I know, why would I go to UoP Online when there are so many more appealing and real graduate programs out there. Well...I think about this question everyday. The reason I signed up for the program was an issue of instant gratification. I wanted to be back in school, I desperately want out of the retail and food service hell I'm in because I have a useless bachelors degree, and I wanted it now. It was the beginning of last October when I recieved a phone call from UoP. The enrollment counselor was nice, talked to me for an hour, and answered all of my annoyingly honest and probing questions. "Are you a real school? Are you accredited? If I study education with you, will I recieve a real teaching ceritificate from a real state? Will you help me find employment after school? Will you give me federal student loans?" There were many more questions than this, but she answered all of them in a yes. Before I signed my life away to them, I placed a couple of phone calls to friends and former professors. All of them said basically the same thing. Studying education is going to be the same almost anywhere, as long as it's accredited, who cares where your degree is from. Plus, since the classes are online, I could theoretically do them at anytime of the day or night and keep a full time job. Plus...student loan money, enough to buy a new computer and pay off some bills. The pro column was far outnumbering the con column. I signed up.

Before I started my classes I was excited. A graduate student. When I'm finished, I'll be a real teacher with job security, and most importantly, health insurance! As my classes began, the pro and con columns started to equalize.

My first major gripe about the school is the other students enrolled in it. UoP is designed for people who are starting second careers. I am only 25 and haven't had any career yet. The average age of the students in my classes is about 40. The average number of children these students have is 3. And the average number of homosexuals in each class of mine was one, me. This didn't come up at all until my second class, when a student brought up for discussion "what do we do if we have homosexual students in the classroom? (gasp!)" Well, I thought this was a silly question, but for these cavemen, it wasn't. After reading homophobic coment after homophobic comment, I had to say something. So I told them that as a homosexual student, I encountered such and such issues with bullies, and teachers should put a stop to bullying no matter what. Bullying is wrong!

I made no moral comment on homosexuality. I did not advocate for it. I merely offered up the wisdom I had to offer, and commented about bullies.

There was a deluge of comments about me after this. One woman chastised me for saying I am a homosexual. She said sexuality had no place in the classroom, and that I was going to hell. What the fuck? These people spend most of class discussion writing about their children and husbands and wives. They spend 80% of their time talking about their heterosexuality. I spend 1% of my time bringing up my homosexuality because it was relevant to a class discussion, and I get bombarded with homophobic diatribes that belong on Jerry Springer!

I politely told the class (almost all of which were southerners...getting it now?) that they all talked openly about their heterosexuality, and that I was not throwing my sexuality in their faces, and that I was keeping my comments professional and on topic whereas they were not.

Enter the bitch. Sheila. Sheila then informed me that it was different, that they could talk about being married and having children because those were not sins. She informed me that since I am sinning and going to hell, I need to keep that away from class discussion, and that I should probably not be allowed to become a teacher.

Even in the face of such blatant hatred, I maintained. Instead of becoming a flamingly angry queen, I filed harassment charges against Sheila and she was removed from class. Our professor told everyone (taking my side at last), and no one said anything to me again.

This is just the tip of the iceburg. This example is just about the lack of worldview and common sense these students have. Now let's talk about their writing. We are required to post every paper we write to the class so everyone can read them. Now, I have to admit that I have above average writing skills due to the fact that I studied English at a private university. But I mean, come one, we are in graduate school! The papers these people were turning in were riddled with grammatical and even spelling errors. They read like high school papers. Several students opened their papers by quoting the dictionary!!!! My jaw continually drops even now as I encounter such abysmal writing standards. This is GRADUATE SCHOOL, not community college. (no offense to community college students, it's just a level thing)

So, the students are braindead southern redneck fucks with the English grammar skills of chimpanzees. The education program itself is of no help to the students. You have to be completely self-motivated to study at UoP. The professors exist to moderate discussion boards and make sure things are turned in on time. I had to learn about writing a lesson plan from a textbook and websites I found on my own.

Here's the big kicker. I have to arrange my student teaching and all observations FOR MYSELF! Universities usually build relationships with public schools and arrange for their students to show up there to perform their various observations and student teaching. In this way, public schools can keep track of who is in their buildings when and why. It is a safety issue as much as anything else. Imagine then, just for a second, how schools react to me when I come into their offices and ask if I can come in and observe for a day. "Where do you go to school? Why aren't they calling us? Are you for real? No." It has been nearly impossible.

I have many other gripes. I will not share them all, as I have rambled on and vented enough for one day. The University of Phoeix exists for a noble enough reason-give middle aged uneducated people the chance to become educated and get better jobs. But it exists also as a business, taking our money and providing very few services. It infuriates me, and I am currently looking for a local university to transfer to (if that's even possible at this point.)

Rant ended.

Tom Cruise is SUCH a baby...

As per a new story on cnn.com today, Tom Cruise has threatened to stop publicizing his new film, Mission Impossible 3, unless the South Park rerun about scientology was pulled. I hate Tom Cruise. He is such a baby (and, baby sized at a mere 4' 9"). South Park is known for poking fun at religions. It pokes fun at ALL religions. Jesus Christ has a talk show in South Park, and fights with Satan and Santa Claus, Mormons are the only people to occupy heaven, and Kyle is a Jew. Tom Cruise either needs to learn to take a joke, or realize that his joke of religion isn't even a religion anyways. He's not only a baby, but a crazy psycho lunatic.

Might I put forth a theory about the actual reasons behind the pulling of this harmless South Park episode? One of the major subplots of the episode consists of Tom Cruise locking himself in Stan's closet, and Stan proclaiming "Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!" Maybe this joke hit just a little too close to home. Perhaps, the engagement to Katie Holmes (whom my opinion of sinks ever lower and lower) is a sham to cover up his own homosexuality. Maybe, just maybe, this episode of South Park was a call to Cruise to deal with his sexuality and live a life of honest sexual freedom. Perhaps Tommy boy became scared when he heard Matt and Trey's welcoming message of peace, beckoning him out of the closet. Don't be scared, Tommy. You're gay, and that's ok! I'm gay too, maybe we could fuck? Don't worry about Katie, Tom. You haven't hurt her. She's used to dating fags, in case you haven't ever watched Dawson's Creek, she dated the Creek homo in season 2. And, I'm sure her pregnancy is a shameless scam as well. Come out of the closet, Tom. Don't get mad, get gay.

Wow, I hate Tom Cruise.

On a related Tom Cruise note, my students in Taiwan in 2002 told me that Tom Cruise came to Taipei to promote his then film "Minority Report". They were very excited and went to meet him at a press event, where he reportedly shunned them and refused to give any autographs. My students said he was not nice and "very very short, like an Asian."

So, gay, short, scientologist, and might I go so far as to suggest tiny penis?

Only time will tell.

Peons

As my first post, I would like to tell you a little bit about myself. Even though I got straight A's all through high school, was an All-State clarinetist, went to a prestigious private college, and did a year of AmeriCorps service, I am a 25 year-old peon. For the past two years or so, I have not been able to find a job, a real job, for the life of me. I have worked in retail and as a waiter at such prestigious jobs as Target, Chili's, Spaghetti Works, and Dillard's, where I was a perfume boy. I have made at least $2.13/hour (plus tips) and at most $9.00/hour. I have not had health insurance since my college graduation. I live from paycheck to paycheck, day to day, month to month. I know millions of Americans do this everyday, but sometimes (here is where you will see how I'm a little arrogant), i feel like the most highly educated peon on the face of the planet.

Have you ever had a manager, who was just a freakin' moron, who was uneducated completely, who was on a power trip from hell? An untrained monkey could do their job? And you are stuck as their lackey? Stuck as the object of their power trip? Stuck. I think this is my biggest pet peeve.

At least in college I was surrounded by intelligent, educated people. But out here, in the real world where I pay bills and work at any job I can find to do that, I am surrounded by mental invalids and borderline schizophrenics. It is seriously about enough to make me want to slit my wrists and buy a one-way ticket to Hell (unless I'm already there...).

Anyways, I think that may be enough of a jaunt into my current career situation. Next time: my online graduate school...what the fuck am I doing?