Tom Cruise is SUCH a baby...

As per a new story on cnn.com today, Tom Cruise has threatened to stop publicizing his new film, Mission Impossible 3, unless the South Park rerun about scientology was pulled. I hate Tom Cruise. He is such a baby (and, baby sized at a mere 4' 9"). South Park is known for poking fun at religions. It pokes fun at ALL religions. Jesus Christ has a talk show in South Park, and fights with Satan and Santa Claus, Mormons are the only people to occupy heaven, and Kyle is a Jew. Tom Cruise either needs to learn to take a joke, or realize that his joke of religion isn't even a religion anyways. He's not only a baby, but a crazy psycho lunatic.

Might I put forth a theory about the actual reasons behind the pulling of this harmless South Park episode? One of the major subplots of the episode consists of Tom Cruise locking himself in Stan's closet, and Stan proclaiming "Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!" Maybe this joke hit just a little too close to home. Perhaps, the engagement to Katie Holmes (whom my opinion of sinks ever lower and lower) is a sham to cover up his own homosexuality. Maybe, just maybe, this episode of South Park was a call to Cruise to deal with his sexuality and live a life of honest sexual freedom. Perhaps Tommy boy became scared when he heard Matt and Trey's welcoming message of peace, beckoning him out of the closet. Don't be scared, Tommy. You're gay, and that's ok! I'm gay too, maybe we could fuck? Don't worry about Katie, Tom. You haven't hurt her. She's used to dating fags, in case you haven't ever watched Dawson's Creek, she dated the Creek homo in season 2. And, I'm sure her pregnancy is a shameless scam as well. Come out of the closet, Tom. Don't get mad, get gay.

Wow, I hate Tom Cruise.

On a related Tom Cruise note, my students in Taiwan in 2002 told me that Tom Cruise came to Taipei to promote his then film "Minority Report". They were very excited and went to meet him at a press event, where he reportedly shunned them and refused to give any autographs. My students said he was not nice and "very very short, like an Asian."

So, gay, short, scientologist, and might I go so far as to suggest tiny penis?

Only time will tell.